Thursday, July 31, 2014


A year ago today I began my journey revisiting where I left off back in 2000 (when I graduated from the International School of the Sacred Heart/聖心のインターナショナル).

The years in Toronto, Canada (14 years to be exact) were in part spent going to University (York University majoring in Psych and Dance), ending a professional classical ballet career, and starting up a visual arts career, but most significantly facing my truths and that which caused destruction beyond the darkest hell imaginable (there are no words to describe that/it), dying a many deaths, being revived numerous times, and being around the best professionals and facilities (although still like Swiss cheese with many holes to fall through and get lost, never as good as mainstream medicine) to help me regain 
from the Canada Post stamp competition where a limited number were printed (originally from a painting I did, UNPREPARED IN WELLIES, see here:カラフルな瞬間/) 

HOPE, and the possibility of any future at all.  

The last time I was in Tokyo were of good but also horrific memories, where I had to be flown to Toronto in an emergency situation, with many doors left ajar.  So naturally (ok, its a bit far out...), you challenge yourself and face that which haunted you, and never thought you'd ever have the opportunity to revisit.

What is it about life that keep us going despite all hardships?  There is something to be said about human nature, but all too often the small gifts and treasures are overlooked for wars, greed, and dishonesty.  How to move forward as empowered individuals, with broad perspectives, to work together for a better whole?  

There is exuberance in the possibility that lie ahead.  Right now I'm in Tokyo but ultimately I'd love to have a place next to the ocean in a modest space where I can write books and create art, maybe even own a little cafe where those of like minds can congregate, with art on the walls and books lining shelves.  That dream seems like just that; a dream, but I also know that the place I stand now was once a dream.  

Forever grateful for life's adventures.      

Friday, July 18, 2014

DATING: Sisterly Advice

This post is for the ladies, and/or men out there; some sisterly advice.  Read through to the end for what to say to a guy/girl and how to handle yourself with integrity when put in such a situation (IF you are serious about finding true connections, and something more than just being another, one, in a slew of many).  It will encourage and empower BEING.  

We all know the dating scene is a complicated mess; I don't think I've heard any women speak fondly of their dating days.  Now before I get into the guts of the matter; lets just define dating as everyone has a subjective belief of what it is that dating implies.  

What is a date, dating?: 
-an oblong edible fruit of a palm... :)
*don't mind me...*

According to Wikipedia, as quoted:
-Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

According to Merriam Webster as quoted:


 verb: to do an activity with someone you have might have a romantic relationship with : to go on a date or several dates with (someone)

Personally, I equate being asked on dinner dates as akin to meeting an acquaintance I don't know too well; it might be riddled with small talk and 'what the heck is he going on about?', or 'am pleasantly surprised', 'I might be interested in hearing more', and everything in the spectrum of THIS IS WORSE THAN SHIT (make an excuse to leave STAT!), and YOU BLOW MY MIND-HEAD OVER HEELS!  Usually, as those who have healthy self esteem and awareness, have a choice to explore initial exchange of numbers, or god forbid, pick up lines... standards ladies; you know deep inside what works for you, what is a definite no, what you want, need and are looking for in any relationship.  

And 'dating' is when you might be interested but need more time to explore; this is where the lines get even fuzzier and greyer... some people equate 'dating' as 'going out', which to me is not the case.  For all I know, men can be dating a number of women at any given time; to think you are the only one is a bit too innocent and/or ignorant in my opinion.  Confident women usually handle this with grace and integrity, although inclination is more towards being in knots and going a bit mental (if you aren't at all, then maybe the guy's not for you... who knows), its only natural ladies:)  And same goes for men.  We as humans have deep seeded biological, and evolutionary instincts, we can be competitive, get caught up in jealousy, and these days social media, and a host of other things make this a mine field of IEDs, which can leave you in a shredded mess of embarrassment and kicking yourself with regret, should've/would've/could've/if/and/but 's.  

I mean we've all been there; when I was speaking to Keanu Reeves in LA, the words just ^ would ~ not * come > out, aside from the fact that my brother DESERTED me(!) and I was a total pile of useless, HAHAHA~  mortified!  Afterwards; 'WHAT THE F*** WAS I THINKING, or SERIOUSLY, I SAID THAT!?'  but when seen from a positive perspective, I had the guts to go up to him, chat to him about his efforts with dyslexia (which was total misinformation, as I was made aware, LOL), his new movie, and hand over a business card, etc.  Dude, I did it... yeah and you gotta be ok with that.  See the good in any situation, and make opportunities out of even the crappiest of times (although anything involving Keanu Reeves is a good thing imo:).

These days TOO MANY ladies out there are devaluing themselves and giving right of way too easily and fast.  I mean this depends on each individual, everyone is different but for me YOU NEED TO EARN YOUR RESPECT and the simple equation of TALK - ACTION = 0; I say prove it, show me, and vice versa.  It has to go BOTH WAYS.  If I'm all hot air and no substance then you're as bad as each other.

I believe in TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for your part in any relationship.  OWN UP!  BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF and FACE IT, SORT IT OUT, BE BETTER!  I'm always challenging myself, as complacence is my enemy, it's just not possible for me to be so numb:)

So the next time some guy or girl tries to get with you, but you get an inkling that they are not ready, or looking for anything serious, and/or commitment, (and you WILL KNOW, you'll SENSE that something isn't adding up, c'mon ladies/guys TAP INTO YOUR INTUITION!) reply with something like this:

(cont'd conversation)... I believe it is worth all the risk, and would rather challenge being jaded... I want something more than just a casual something, and I believe others who have asked me on dinner dates in the past months are too, and it wouldn't be fair on others that come along, nor me, to be getting into something intimate with you, if you are in fact only looking for something casual.  

I like you and love meeting up w you, but am looking for something more than just the physical.  And nope, those dinner dates have not gone further than that.  It's difficult to meet one with value whom I completely respect.  To be honest you could have been the one who stood out amongst all the other guys  (and u know me and my standards, I am no walk in the park... I expect the best from myself and encourage the best in others:).  

I felt I needed to be totally honest with where my head and heart are at this moment.  

Simple as that.  It will probably take a few days for them to get back to you, but they will appreciate and respect you for it, and allow them a chance to really reflect and think.    

I would like to empower women/men who end up being someone else's welcome mat; you are the only one in the whole world who has your own back, and can stand up for yourself.  Value the individual that you are, as you only have one body, treat it with respect, be kind to it, embrace and encourage integrity.  

This is the kind of person I am.  HONEST and with CLARITY of HEART; genuine.  And if you ABUSE it, rest assured that you will feel horribly rotten about yourself within (I will challenge your skewed rationale/ego/pride/ignorance), as I've got this odd ability to allow others to discover truths within themselves.  Naturally being, as I am, I don't intentionally 'do' anything, but I lead by example... yup, am grounded as heck, surprising coming from someone with a Youtube channel with over a million views in sexy latex speaking about art, mental health and being real..., go figure huh!?     

          Curate Your Truth           




Saturday, July 12, 2014

Just Write

I felt a strong urge to write today, and it has been quite some time since I last posted.  As with everyone else, there are various things in my life that do not get discussed in the public sphere, so many things I wish I could pour my heart out to speak freely.  

Something happens to me when I'm in Japan; my artistic and deep rooted soul starts depleting creating a sense of being mute, and disconnected.  When I am in my body, experiencing moments, completely, I am filled with exuberance and life returns, but in a modernised city abundant with superficiality and the head decapitated from pure emotions; how is one sensitive to another facet or level of existence supposed to be?  This sensation is akin to falling head over heels in love for someone, or playing live at a rock concert.  There is something intrinsically pulsating beneath the surface, but is kept from being released.  I don't need alcohol, drugs, or a multi billion dollar deal to feel this connection; genuine human interactions without falsities and mental games is all that I am asking.  

Too many times I see beautiful souls falling jaded and skin toughened, I get sad.  Give me a chance and I will show you that it doesn't have to be your truth.  

I've heard this quite a few times; there is something about my energy one can not decipher, maybe a purity in heart and being... Some times I wish I didn't experience the world so full on; we have been conditioned to zone out and go/do/get.

This is the closest thing I have to a canvas, but words never supersede actions.  I am working on something... I'm always working on something... but we shall see.
In times of need, I CREATE.