Sunday, October 27, 2013

Calm in the City with a little Spark

The little moments that make you happy, what are they?

Inundated with deadlines, meetings, events, and errands, life full of exciting adventures can feel at times wearing, but I find the most joy in these moments of awareness that help to recharge and restore some equilibrium back in to my endurance pushing schedule.  

See, today I woke a bit early, a crow kept 'barking' outside my window; instead of thinking "shut the f*** up!", I was pleased with the existence of wildlife in a built up city.  I finished getting ready and put some music on, calm, quiet, peaceful before the rush-and-go at work; it's like being at the starting line on blocks before a 100 meter sprint, or warming up at the ballet barre before everyone else starts trailing into the studio.  You collect your thoughts, think of the steps you need to take to complete tasks during the day ahead, acknowledge the positive steps as well as crap ones you've taken, and just BE; it may sound a bit new-age-y but it's not.  I'm talking about being in the moment, being aware and checking in with yourself whenever you get the chance.  Living in the city can be exhausting and draining, you need some semblance of balance and calm.  If you can't get it within where else will you find it; in alcohol, in partying, chasing girls or guys, shopping, etc?  Don't get me wrong, those things are fun, I like doing those things too (although I'm not sure about chasing guys/girls), but they are a different kind of release and self restoration.  Maybe I'm just BORING, hahaha~  that word doesn't exist in my life, I'm never bored, as I entertain myself when I have time.  

Being human, and an individual you gotta appreciate all the levels, dimensions, and depth!  Can you believe!?  I LOVE IT!  These slight of energy and aura translate on a daily basis and touch those which you come in contact.  I hope to bring a little bit of sunshine or heart to another individual in the busy city:)  How else can we coexist?  

I'm feeling appreciative, forever grateful, grounded and quite alright~  I think that's a good thing, especially amongst all the challenge, craziness, and emotional, psychological, physical transitions I've experienced recently.

So, I'm writing this post this morning before work to BE:)  Sharing my love.  

I've also got devil horns with little feathery details for halloween this year; not a whole costume or anything but it makes me grin a not so innocent grin!!!  HA!!!  That is another occasion all together, right now I've got to focus on a whole lot of other things, but the playful side of myself always in reach.   

I've seen some costumes around the city, I like the free flowing self expression, keep it coming:)  


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Heart Broken in Tokyo

Okay, so I'm going to be a bit raw and more honest than usual in this post, I usually don't speak too much about that which is personal (ie. relationships), but I thought I would share for my own sake and for those who maybe going through similar situations; not about the relationship but about being heart broken in Tokyo.

Mackenzie Thorpe

I've given myself a one week timeline to really sulk, feel, cry, get angry, and literally be a mess (to a certain extent) after a long term relationship.  Its a roller coaster ride of emotions.  And NOTHING feels more lonely and claustrophobic than being in Tokyo when you are going through this, I can't emphasize this enough, as you've gotta get your ass out of bed in the early hours get ready and take the subway walk your way to work, sit at work, work your ass off, be exhausted, in an environment where you can't speak the language 100%, you've left everything you know that is safe, leaving your little treasure of a Cairn Terrier named Clover whom I miss like nothing else as she was there after my last major break up (relationship of 7 years, when I had just gotten her as a tiny 10 week old puppy) and has been through over 4 moves and so many life struggles. 
The first day, you end up going on the train realizing after 10 stops that you are going in the wrong freakin' direction, so you trek back, while you've got tears filling your eyes.  You end up leaving your iphone in the fridge, or running into strangers in the street as you are in this strange fugue.  It sucks big time!  

I also want to mention that I'm usually a strong individual (although I may not even notice at times), I've survived and fought/fight for life, so naturally I keep things to myself and don't share these things with others, trying to deal with them in my own time and ways that are healthy and work for me.  BUT, I'm in a completely new space, new environment, without my studio where I can express myself, paint, draw, etc to my hearts desire, or give myself a ballet class as space is very lacking in Tokyo, nor journal as I'm usually nodding off at the end of the day due to exhaustion.  Things are just so far removed that anything remotely shocking is a tidal wave.  

Although I must admit on the contrary, anything positive is that much more sweeter and appreciated.  

I'm actually quite surprised with how I have handled this though, I'm hanging on and am using the negative to propel me at work and keep me going.  I've learnt through all of my experiences to USE your inner turmoil into something constructive and more beautiful.  You work through it and use it, there is no other way.  I believe the way you live your life and perspective are art forms in themselves, much as there is art and creativity in business.  I also believe you are capable to love even deeper next time around.  

Yes, I feel that no one's ever going to love me again, who would be interested in me, I'm not good looking enough, and all those things that go through your mind post break up; but rationally I know it to be untrue.  I just hang in there, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forwards.

I think other than losing a close one due to death, heart break can be almost as taxing.  Stick a new corporate environment, in Tokyo on top and you've got yourself a shit sandwich!  I'm just kidding.  There are positives that come out of these situations and I'm sure I will gain from this as I have in the past.  I'm just please I get to be around amazing works of art as I journey, and am learning a hell of a lot along the way.


It gets better.  Hang in there.  NEVER GIVE UP.  There is always hope and love to be shared.

Thanks for listening, I needed to get that out of me, anything that helps, do it!