This has been swimming around for the past month, popping up in all areas; self, career, relationships, society, Japan as a nation, etc...
Words are not flowing as readily right now as there is too much of everything processing through me; a jumbled traffic jam of letters and words, of images, and sensations... my lack of self expression scares me, as these outlets are a necessity for me to stay afloat; wether writing/painting/dancing... but there seems to be a shift happening in my being; I seem to be more private, keeping my experiences close to my heart, truly being present and embracing the personal moments. Or maybe this is just quiet prep time for the next big challenge(s) I partake.
I feel a huge cloud looming ahead; I know what I need to face, but it really is 'that' scary to me. So simple and without a second thought to most, for me mired in scars and hurt, that induce extreme anxiety. I know that my mind body and soul are trying desperately in any way shape and form to try to avoid and detour; but the only way, is through the muddy stormy scary mess. One step at a time, is all I can do, slowly does it... I know my goals and anyone knows my determination ever wavers.
The above exhibit gave me the closure I needed to make a decision: it holds a very close and personal place in my heart. Thank you Amy.
Exhibit info: http://projekctsbyprojects.com/en/
End of February, I plan on leaving Tokyo. It's taken a lot to be able to let it go; but I need to face my truths, get up the courage to move forwards and keep growing and improving as an individual, and for greater good there after. Never becoming complacent. Maybe along the way I'll find love; lead/follow/walk next to each other wherever life may meander ~. Shall be back in the city of English:French, double doubles, and loonies. Another MAJOR lifestyle change. Gives me a headache just thinking about it at the moment... more like a puddle of tears; its going to be a grieving process. Next. Moving on. Life continues.
Until then I will be working on a few projects, collaborating street artists (Eine, Cleon Peterson, etc.) and companies/brands (Diesel, etc.) in Tokyo.
Am done for the day, emotionally shattered, exhausted.
Thank you for listening.