Saturday, October 18, 2014

Market Research for Life's Purpose

I realise this is a crappy pattern where over exertion and stress turn into lowered immune system and I end up with a cold; and when this happens my white blood cell count must hit a low as I get really under the weather.  So I just took care of myself today, resting, as last night I attended an exhibit opening and had to leave less than 10 mins after arriving as I just felt too ill.  

Am literally doing the best and most I can to gain as much insight and knowledge as I possibly can for the next stage in my life.  Market research for my life's purpose, with a super tight deadline and budget with full awareness of the bottom line.  I take all elements and let them process within.  You speak to your most trusted supports and advisors.  Come up with and re strategise over and over again.  Never stop.

findings on boards from last year on one of the projects

Yes, I am a bit extreme; if you saw my calendar this week, well, nothing I do is mediocre, driven by some super human discipline and determination that even I can't explain.  The same motivation used with everything else in my life.  (I'm ALIVE aren't I!?  Proof enough.)  This too will be a milestone to make me challenge status quo (whatever that is in my life).  Nothing is half hearted, am all in; haha, such metaphor... my relationships of past are both long term, 7 years and 5 years, with a bunch of non serious fun dating in between...  You take everything into consideration, make a decision, commit, and make the best and most of the journey.  Regardless of fears, uncertainties, or possible quibbles, as you trust yourself, that you'll have your own back, no matter what, and everything will in the end be okay.  It could be mind blowing-ly fabulous, you never know!  Worth it?  Yes.  Scared?  Utterly shitless yeah.  Doing it anyways, hell yes.  And from the purest, most honest and genuine compassion of my soul, forever gratefully so~

So my next step you ask?  Am getting close to a firm decision; most probably a career and path I set out for and planned over 10 years ago (same reason I moved into my College Park condo in downtown Toronto to be closer to Ryerson University, but never followed up on as I came across a path of visual arts/artist career instead).  Life's adventures!!!   You never know.  It has certainly been a ride:)!  Just need to work out the logistics/#s of everything.  Not many people get a chance to re-do things in life...  just a super condensed intense version this time.  But I know what I want and need to do.  This is my purpose.  But I never exclude options and/or the unpredictable possibilities of life.

my place on Bay and College, Toronto at College Park condos

Just came across this song the other day, I thought it was fitting:

I often get asked, how have you/do you make connections with so many people within such a short period of time?  Simply put; get up the nerve and guts, take a risk, reach out, and show up, communicate, speak your truth.  Be ok attending events alone, be ok with yourself, put pride/ego/looks on the back burner, you just do it.  Be a bit of an artist; might mean going outside the rules.  This is coming from someone who used to be extremely agoraphobic with anxiety through the roof - so bad I couldn't get out of the house for days at a time at one point!  That's right, and thats only one sliver of all the other obstacles I've had to contend with, its been a whole lot of hard work; worked my butt off to be where I am today, and am proud of it.  Anything is possible. 


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