Waking up this very warm and sunny Sunday morning to Andrea Bocelli singing in Portofino Italy was such a joy, even if it was only on TV, it was beautiful, and instantly transported me to a soulful place.
Earlier in the week being full of doubts, and re-strategising the course of action, coming up with a detailed day by day plan for the rest of 2015 in milligrams; completely humbling and disturbing, but necessary, I was able to find some resolve. A direction, some clarity within the muck! You realise your strength, and then an empowered drive bubbles up from within; you're not only a survivor but a thriver. You've known this, but until you can own the sensation, can you appreciate its full weight.
Throughout life you are faced with a mine field of aspects that challenge your value, worth, belief, gumption, and truth, questioning reason and wondering of perspectives outside of your own, but after a while you realise this is a futile process, and only through personal experience and actualising the place that you are standing can you embody a life well lived, and are reminded to never underestimate yourself.
Things may not happen right way, as you wanted them to, but all seems to unfold in time as they should. If it is meant to be, it will be. There is only so much you can control, a concept difficult for this one to swallow; lack of patience and highly self critical nature is a double edged sword, but a characteristic that drives us to be better and thrive in any situation we are placed. And fear, amplified by knowing all can be lost in an instant (and then some), you treasure and live every moment fully. Learning as you go, EXUBERANTLY.
Coming back to Toronto, I'm not sure what it is but the comment; 'you are glowing' has been a pattern I haven't really heard people say to me before, why thank you... maybe it is my suuuper healthy lifestyle that I am sticking to while I go through the shit of getting off meds, but I'd like to think I'm evolving from within and that growth/enlightenment/wisdom/whatever-ya-wanna-call-it glow, feminine beauty (Haha!LOL!) emanates from within!
Well I've got until Friday to enjoy the bit of stability, then another 37.5 down *wink*. New strategy to rip off the duct tape (so to speak) has been motivating; week of Nov. 4th is the new target. What's to come of this, so help me god~ but it's ok, I'll always be better off than the 'liver guy' (Prometheus):)