I've given myself a one week timeline to really sulk, feel, cry, get angry, and literally be a mess (to a certain extent) after a long term relationship. Its a roller coaster ride of emotions. And NOTHING feels more lonely and claustrophobic than being in Tokyo when you are going through this, I can't emphasize this enough, as you've gotta get your ass out of bed in the early hours get ready and take the subway walk your way to work, sit at work, work your ass off, be exhausted, in an environment where you can't speak the language 100%, you've left everything you know that is safe, leaving your little treasure of a Cairn Terrier named Clover whom I miss like nothing else as she was there after my last major break up (relationship of 7 years, when I had just gotten her as a tiny 10 week old puppy) and has been through over 4 moves and so many life struggles.
The first day, you end up going on the train realizing after 10 stops that you are going in the wrong freakin' direction, so you trek back, while you've got tears filling your eyes. You end up leaving your iphone in the fridge, or running into strangers in the street as you are in this strange fugue. It sucks big time!
I also want to mention that I'm usually a strong individual (although I may not even notice at times), I've survived and fought/fight for life, so naturally I keep things to myself and don't share these things with others, trying to deal with them in my own time and ways that are healthy and work for me. BUT, I'm in a completely new space, new environment, without my studio where I can express myself, paint, draw, etc to my hearts desire, or give myself a ballet class as space is very lacking in Tokyo, nor journal as I'm usually nodding off at the end of the day due to exhaustion. Things are just so far removed that anything remotely shocking is a tidal wave.
Although I must admit on the contrary, anything positive is that much more sweeter and appreciated.
I'm actually quite surprised with how I have handled this though, I'm hanging on and am using the negative to propel me at work and keep me going. I've learnt through all of my experiences to USE your inner turmoil into something constructive and more beautiful. You work through it and use it, there is no other way. I believe the way you live your life and perspective are art forms in themselves, much as there is art and creativity in business. I also believe you are capable to love even deeper next time around.
Yes, I feel that no one's ever going to love me again, who would be interested in me, I'm not good looking enough, and all those things that go through your mind post break up; but rationally I know it to be untrue. I just hang in there, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forwards.
I think other than losing a close one due to death, heart break can be almost as taxing. Stick a new corporate environment, in Tokyo on top and you've got yourself a shit sandwich! I'm just kidding. There are positives that come out of these situations and I'm sure I will gain from this as I have in the past. I'm just please I get to be around amazing works of art as I journey, and am learning a hell of a lot along the way.
DON'T HOLD BACK. LIVE COMPLETELY AND FULLY. DON'T EVER BE AFRAID OF LOVE.
It gets better. Hang in there. NEVER GIVE UP. There is always hope and love to be shared.
Thanks for listening, I needed to get that out of me, anything that helps, do it!