Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Heart Broken in Tokyo

Okay, so I'm going to be a bit raw and more honest than usual in this post, I usually don't speak too much about that which is personal (ie. relationships), but I thought I would share for my own sake and for those who maybe going through similar situations; not about the relationship but about being heart broken in Tokyo.

Mackenzie Thorpe

I've given myself a one week timeline to really sulk, feel, cry, get angry, and literally be a mess (to a certain extent) after a long term relationship.  Its a roller coaster ride of emotions.  And NOTHING feels more lonely and claustrophobic than being in Tokyo when you are going through this, I can't emphasize this enough, as you've gotta get your ass out of bed in the early hours get ready and take the subway walk your way to work, sit at work, work your ass off, be exhausted, in an environment where you can't speak the language 100%, you've left everything you know that is safe, leaving your little treasure of a Cairn Terrier named Clover whom I miss like nothing else as she was there after my last major break up (relationship of 7 years, when I had just gotten her as a tiny 10 week old puppy) and has been through over 4 moves and so many life struggles. 
The first day, you end up going on the train realizing after 10 stops that you are going in the wrong freakin' direction, so you trek back, while you've got tears filling your eyes.  You end up leaving your iphone in the fridge, or running into strangers in the street as you are in this strange fugue.  It sucks big time!  

I also want to mention that I'm usually a strong individual (although I may not even notice at times), I've survived and fought/fight for life, so naturally I keep things to myself and don't share these things with others, trying to deal with them in my own time and ways that are healthy and work for me.  BUT, I'm in a completely new space, new environment, without my studio where I can express myself, paint, draw, etc to my hearts desire, or give myself a ballet class as space is very lacking in Tokyo, nor journal as I'm usually nodding off at the end of the day due to exhaustion.  Things are just so far removed that anything remotely shocking is a tidal wave.  

Although I must admit on the contrary, anything positive is that much more sweeter and appreciated.  

I'm actually quite surprised with how I have handled this though, I'm hanging on and am using the negative to propel me at work and keep me going.  I've learnt through all of my experiences to USE your inner turmoil into something constructive and more beautiful.  You work through it and use it, there is no other way.  I believe the way you live your life and perspective are art forms in themselves, much as there is art and creativity in business.  I also believe you are capable to love even deeper next time around.  

Yes, I feel that no one's ever going to love me again, who would be interested in me, I'm not good looking enough, and all those things that go through your mind post break up; but rationally I know it to be untrue.  I just hang in there, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forwards.

I think other than losing a close one due to death, heart break can be almost as taxing.  Stick a new corporate environment, in Tokyo on top and you've got yourself a shit sandwich!  I'm just kidding.  There are positives that come out of these situations and I'm sure I will gain from this as I have in the past.  I'm just please I get to be around amazing works of art as I journey, and am learning a hell of a lot along the way.


It gets better.  Hang in there.  NEVER GIVE UP.  There is always hope and love to be shared.

Thanks for listening, I needed to get that out of me, anything that helps, do it!  



  1. That's the spirit! Don't let these matters pull you down, it's just a one unfortunate side of this thing we call life. Recovery of course will take it's time but in the end... everything is going to be just fine! I really hope you can find enough joy and happiness in the midst of all this crappiness.

    I truly wish you all the best in the world,

    1. Thank you Cole! Means a lot to me, loved the little kitten, so adorable!!! Will rediscover joy and happiness, it just takes time:)

  2. I like how you never sugar coat things. The unyielding tone in this difficult entry make it hard for anyone to not root for you – as a person first and then secondly as a woman, an artist, returning nikkie-jin or whatever role you are taking on.You've gone through so much change in so little time and it can be messy and tough as you say, but you’re processing and focused on moving forward. No one can ask - of anyone - for more than simply that! I am sorry about what you are going through but thankful that you have the courage to share and the ability to insightfully reflect upon heartbreak.

    Not sure if you have seen this movie, Tokyo!(2008) but as I was reading this, I started thinking about some of the themes in that film.

    Trailer -

    Please do take care Marie!

    1. Thank you, but it's difficult and break ups are a bitch! There is no other way but to muck through the messy bits. I shall check out the link you sent, thank you again:)

  3. Dear Marie,
    Having followed you for quite some time on various social sites, I have to say, that I was wondering about the move to Japan, and how it affected your relationship. I got my answer here.
    Not sure about the "why's" and "how's", and it doesn't really matter. I would have been scared $hitless with all these changes, both personal, professional and geographic, but I am sure, that you will pull through all of it.
    Relationships are, at best, complicated and when they don't work out, one can't help asking, was it worth it? Will the pain and loss ever go away?
    Answer to both is yes, and time is your friend in regards to healing and moving on.
    Anything in the past, be it 5 minutes ago or from your very early childhood, shapes us into the person we are today. Life is about choices, and every waking second we make one, and each of those choices affects the rest of our life. Some choices are life altering and others produce just a speck on the canvas of life.
    Take care my friend!

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