Saturday, December 28, 2013

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

The above quote I put up in 2006, I still have pinned to my bulletin board in front of me right now, albeit a bit faded from sun exposure.  

(I'm just recording this moment for me, so if you aren't interested, leave now).

WOOOOWWW!!!  I will never be able to describe this overwhelming sensation I am experiencing right now; I get tears filling my eyes just thinking about it.

My dad gave me a tear drop pendant necklace after my near fatal struggles about 10 years ago, telling me this is for tears of joy, and not for the hardships in life nor lack of hope.  I didn't really know what that felt like, but I can tell you, my tears (as I bawl away) right now are of joy and pure grateful appreciation.  It just fills my heart.  

I understand only I can fully grasp the enormity of this milestone; the last day of work in 2013.  You nor anyone else may well let it go over your/their head(s), but I am fully aware of my own achievements and the weight of the meaning it holds for me personally.  My parents, my brother, and Patti know as they were there with me through death and back.

This is what's on the wall above my desk now.

I realize that revisiting, and taking the HUGE risk of making the move to Tokyo was something that I HAD TO DO, for me;
-to realize my potential.
-to overcome challenges.
-to challenge and push my limits.
-to face my fears.
-relive and face demons from past (probably the scariest and hardest thing to do, as the last time I was here, 13 years ago, I left many unresolved and unfinished loose ends.  I left completely shattered, lost, ill beyond words, dying, hopeless, and embracing death, and that was only at the start of the decent).
-to prove to myself that I can and could.  
Probably the most difficult challenge I've put myself through, I knew in my gut that I was ready when I decided to make the transition.  

BUT I DID IT.  And if I were to die right now, I can completely and confidently say I don't regret any of it, and lived a life worth living, I fought the fight and survived, a better individual.  

This is a milestone.  ALL OF IT was WORTH EVERY MOMENT.  This is where I get my exuberance, heart and drive, an outlook to life that is special to me that I hold close to my heart.  

I am an INTENSE person, I know, and some people can't handle it, but I know no other way to be.  It is the FULL life experience.  *I'm bawling as I've got a big smile on my face, oh the contradiction!, the story of my life... darn Gemini*

This feeling, the overflowing sensation of gratitude, honor, and pure appreciation, I am lost for words!  Thank you.  

"oh my gosh, I can't believe I did it!!!", I am proud of myself (^_^), and I don't say this often or acknowledge it, ever.

I wish I had someone to share this with in person, but I shall cry my tears of joy, embrace it, and BE in the moment.

I believed in my heart and soul that I did the right thing, and I wasn't mistaken.  This is proof enough, !!!ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!  I can't stress this enough.

I don't lie when I say; I DETEST

LOL!  But, the year ahead is full of more trials and tribulations, there are uncertainties, and I know what I'm getting into.  More challenges to face, risks to take, mistakes to make, lessons to be learned, so many idiosyncrasies, and flaws ; such is life, an adventure worth living.  Regardless of this milestone, I will be the same person tomorrow that I was today, consistence/persistence/perseverance matter to my well being, although, definitely experiencing life as I described in a post prior (even when I appear calm and composed); in 'double time, and in a much more unconventional and large capacity.  I probably go through what one individual goes through within the 2 years in 2 months' in technicolor images:)!

I do what is needed to take care of myself.  My high school years growing up were spent in the major hubs of Tokyo (Shibuya/Roppongi/Shinjuku/Harajuku/Hiroo/etc.), I'm enjoying another side of the city that's new to me:)  I've been there, done that, I still do that once in a while and have lots of fun, but I'm at a different place in my life now.  Come along with me and lets go explore some more:)

This piece I created is in Australia.

Thank you, truly,

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  1. Well said!
    For the looming new year, I wish thee all the best.
    This one's almost clear, no need to feel stressed.

    And a huge pile of luck, there's never too little.
    Life truly doesn't suck, it's just sometimes a riddle.

    I shall follow thee, milady, to the edge of the world and back! uh... or something ^_^

    1. Thank you, I wish you all the best in the New Year!

  2. Great work and art, Marie. Best wishes.

    1. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate the kind input:) Have a wonderful weekend!