Sunday, March 28, 2010

Life Lessons

I've had many life lessons throughout my life and many marking major developmental stages in my becoming who I am today.  

I am once again faced with another lesson, challenge, awareness.  The man I live with has a wonderful most amazing hearted warm mum across the Atlantic and she has not been well lately.  I believe this is her second fight with cancer, an all too familiar intruder; unwelcome, unsettling, sneaky, and dark.  Both of my grandfathers have fought the battle as well as my grandmother and they rest in peace now.  I know his mum must be fighting another battle to the death (excuse me for the phrasing).  But why is death perceived so finite, the end all and be all to us living folk?  I do not see it in those terms as to me death is another passing, another journey, a new beginning, a different experience, something beyond what is physical and that which is determined living.  I believe all is relative and these imbedded ideas are perceptions and I know for fact I do not know all matters.  I am not afraid of death (it is a cliche statement to make but it is true to me), I am rather curious and wondering.  No matter whom have passed I believe and still feel them as close to my heart as they were in living flesh and blood; maybe a deeper connection due to circumstances like distance for instance.  

Loss is huge, grieving is no joke, it is an immensely life shifting experience which I do not wish on anyone or living thing, it affects and effects all that's around and creates a wave.  It is painful, exhausting, stressful, confusing, mind boggling and all sorts but the lessons in life are passed on even as organisms die they decay and regenerate, as such deaths in our lives can create positive  change, discoveries, increased knowledge in the world in ourselves in others, revelations, hope, belief, drive, courage, and many other things unseen.  Maybe I am an optimist, or I rather face forwards than back, positive than negative, I believe there is reason and meaning in all experience.  I have learned from my experiences in life and I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for those events happenings in my journey.  I am a greater person for even the most painful of experiences; they have made me stronger more resilient and unwilling to give up.  Well, I'm rambling but this is about my person I live with and seeing him react to his mothers condition and how it affects him so so dearly.  

I have met many people in my life but this individual is unlike any other; never have I experienced being with someone with such good intentioned, clear, clean, pure of heart, soft and warm like glowing sunshine that embraces you.  What a great unexpected surprise in the world we live in these days.  Eyes beaming blue bright energy and presence that moves everyone and makes them feel welcome and accepted.  He is not an angel but a person and he is not perfect either.  I can only watch and be there for him the best I can, hold his hand, to listen, to hear, to be for what he is going through I do not have any control or power.  I am at a loss, his heart ache I can feel and his puppy like blue eyes just fill with crystal clear water, all I can do is try to catch his tears and be right next to him.  

He makes me a stronger person, teaches me when he doesn't even know it, I never miss a glance, expression or gesture, each moment is too important and precious I will not allow anything to fog the experience.  So I am being taught life lessons all the time and everything has an affect on me somehow, I am super sensitive, intuitive and in tune with the fine chords of life.  Sometimes this makes it more difficult but I believe it is for the better.  I am only grateful. 

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