Monday, December 19, 2011

Happy Holidays!

The gathering of artists at the MAD BEAN coffee house was cozy and a great atmosphere to enjoy an afternoon.  I think I will be going back to hang out at the Mad Bean as they have all kinds of teas, coffees, and treats; what a great intimate family owned space.  

Happy holidays to everyone!!!  

As for me I will be working through Christmas, and the New Year.  My work has encroached upon my living quarters; my dining table is space for drying transfers as well as the work area to create my little ojizo figures, the bath tub is great for soaking the huge number of transfers I have started on for the collage piece as well as large enough to clean all my palettes, next to my laptop are small figure sculptures made of clay in various emotional states that are waiting to be stuck in the oven for curing, the living area is scattered with things I am working on at any given moment, and my studio has two large canvases that need finishing, another canvas which is being pre-primed (to prevent SID, support induced discoloration), a few others that will be put to good use after I have more space when I finish the other two or however many... oh that reminds me I need to order more matte medium and Japanese unryu paper!  

The constant sitting on the floor and getting up, bending over, etc has been a pain in the knees literally, and the weather getting colder by the day doesn't help either; but the bath is soaking transfers, not me or my knees... 

Aside from all that is/has been going on and the thousands of things going through my mind every moment, I get thoughts and images of ideas and pieces for possible future exhibitions (after the one in April... yeah, I can be a little intense).  New techniques I want to learn, others I want to perfect, and much more to explore and try!  So, nothing will stop me, that's for certain:)  I love it!  

So, what kinds of things in life keep you going?  What are you passionate about?  Do you like the winter holiday time?  Have you ever taken a man's breath away?  Okay, the last question was so random but it came to me as I was taking a shower the other day and is turning into a new art piece!  

I do not have many images to share right now as everything is a work in progress... but maybe this will do...  Have fun, enjoy, take it easy, laugh, make a fool of yourself, entertain yourself/me/others, cuddle with a furry friend, be healthy and fill life with a bit more adventure!  *BIG SMILE*

HAPPY HOLIDAYS and you are in my thoughts!


Friday, December 2, 2011

Art for sale at MAD BEAN COFFEE HOUSE.

A few of my pieces are on sale and in a group showing at the MAD Bean coffee house at 519 Eglinton Ave. West, with Artify.  

On Dec. 17th there will be a gathering of artists with music, poetry reading, and displayed art pieces.  Warm delicious drinks to stay nice and cozy during the holidays!  



I have been planning on a solo exhibit in February but as I have started organizing there have been more interest than I had expected and I've realized I will need more time to set things to high standards and make the most of the gallery event. 

So the date has been changed to April.

I am currently updating the HTML website:  I am also now on Twitter:!/BeingMarieT

I will be collaborating with couture latex fashion designer:  who is based in the Netherlands.  We've got an amazing one of a kind latex outfit in the works for the opening event!

I have also been coordinating with the owners at Bizune, an amazing space:  They have been ever so gracious.

I am also planning and collaborating with many others, please stay tuned for updates.  This will be a bit of a different solo art exhibition experience as I am breaking rigid boundaries of creative communities, bringing together those who would usually not be interacting.  Opening and broadening the perspectives of art from various angles!  

I have a very clear vision, and believe it is crucial to share the experience with everyone.  I am so excited I can't contain my enthusiasm.  *BIG SMILE*  

Here is a peak into something little that I am working on for the exhibit, but much more to come!!!

Thank you for your patience and support, it truly means the world to me.  I am so grateful.

Big Hugs,

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


I am organizing and planning to have a solo exhibit in February 2012.  Everything is still up in the air, I am organizing and planning everything as I speak; including location, date, time, new art pieces, website update, PR that goes with putting on a show, and oh my gosh, I ask myself what have I gotten myself into!  But this is how things go~  One thing at a time, I will make progress.  Through all of this I will be creating 5 new pieces, maybe 6 depending on time constraints.  A few will be installation pieces.  

I have been in touch with a fashion designer in the Netherlands who will be designing a one of a kind outfit for my opening night.  I will disclose details closer to the time.

Putting this info out there makes things official and there is still much work that needs to be done.  I've never done this before so I am in new territory but I believe it is a healthy challenge which is achievable.  There will always be glitches but please bare with me as this is my first time putting on a solo show.  

Right now I need to get back to sculpting, power sawing, soldering, and painting, not to mention having to find a venue, date, ads, and the 'not so fun' aspect of making this happen, so I will keep you closely updated and in the know:)  

Thank you so much for supporting and wish me luck!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Art piece from hell.

This is just my luck, omg, I am working on a piece from hell at the moment which needs much improvisation.  Improv is no problem for me, I even formally took class after class for improv for classical ballet, but this is a bit different... frustrating piece of ____ (insert preferred word here).  

Here is my predicament; first I used masking tape and I was a bit too thorough with the GAC 500 to get clean edges and took forever lifting the masking.  Oh my fingertips... uggh.  That's fine these things happen, and I got very clean edges so I am happy with that.  

Then for reasons foreign to my brain I choose to use mosaic glass tiles which need splitting with hammer, into squares, little squares... do I decide to use this sparingly, NO, I end up having to do some MATH, and from my calculation I need 16 more BOXES of these little glass suckers!  There are approx. 180 in each box, I need 2976 tiny squares!!!

To complicate matters I decide to place them onto my canvas in a cross hatch patterns, one at a time (paint picture in head of me sitting on an old tub of gesso, well sometimes leaning or laying on my stomach on the tub so I am a few inches off the surface of my canvas).  NOT COMFORTABLE!  NECK PROBLEMS?  YES!  

I also bought these tiles a while back and needing more of the same tiles I find out they are no longer in stock... where do these tiles originate?  Some place called Monheim, GERMANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????  Just grrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeaaaaaatttttttttttt......................

Excuse my bitching but why didn't I choose to use little stick on tiles or macaronis or I don't know, anything but these freakin glass tiles!?  

This is going to take a while.


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Nuit Blanche Toronto

For Nuit Blanche Toronto my work will be displayed at the Red Head Gallery for their INSOMNIA exhibit from Sept. 28- Oct. 2.

The piece is called RAGE: Rape, Antagonism, Gnawing, Eviscerate.  2005 June.  Mixed media: acrylic paint, paper, ink, pen, marker.  Razor blades, pins, nail, leather, velcro, and found objects.  

I think it accurately mirrors the way I felt at the time I created the piece; beyond pissed or angry, I was enraged.  I believe it was after a huge fight I had with one of my ex's, but it drew out more than just the rage of the moment, kept me awake throughout the night, and for a few nights, therefore 'insomnia'.  The first piece that came to mind when I heard of the exhibit.

Have you ever experienced emotions so strong that it kept you awake throughout the night and/or completely preoccupied (even during the day) until it was resolved?

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Osaka Puzzle Project photos

Pictures from the Osaka Puzzle Project exhibit at Tachibana Gallery.

I thought the project was such a great concept and I am glad I was able to be a part of it.  I shall keep you posted on further on goings and I may do a post about my recent experiences galleries.  
Have a wonderful week!!!

Thursday, September 8, 2011


Here are some recent pictures from the NY PUZZLE PROJECT exhibit at Ouchi Gallery:

And my piece will be flying back to Osaka, Japan for the exhibit taking place at Tachibana Gallery:

Just a reminder, this is the puzzle piece I created for the show:

I shall keep you in the loop:)  Right now I am waiting for large canvases and wood panels to be delivered to me; lets see if I can sit still and wait for them to arrive before I end up dashing to the store near by, carrying a large (bigger than my body) canvas on my own by foot, that would be a site, huh?  I have to say I do get cranky and antsy when I run out of supports and/or supplies.  Well, I haven't created an art piece out of the walls of the studio yet, but there is always the risk... other walls from the past have not been so lucky, it wasn't even in my own house, I was just staying at a friends.  And in the morning 'there was art'!!!

That was in the past, these days I don't act on impulse unless it is a good positive impulse:)  

Autumn is here!!!
I took this picture the last time I was in Japan; can you believe this beautiful installation was next to the bathroom stalls!?  I got strange stares from others using the bathroom, but I always get strange stares!!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The story behind new work; SUBJECT TO SUGGESTION

Let me first paint you a picture of the setting while I came up with my most recent piece SUBJECT TO SUGGESTION.  

-In the living room sitting lazily on couch
-TV on some channel I am not really paying attention to
-I'm flipping through one of those weekly magazines that has been bundled with the cable provider package, that comes in the mail, which usually ends up as the lining that protects my floors while I do some top coat spraying or painting
-Herbal tea on coffee table, dog snoozing on the rug

I usually don't concentrate while doing this, its one of those passing routines that take less than a few minutes, but for some reason on that day, words, especially sexual in nature, were annoying my attention.  Then as I'm flipping through, I hear the TV ranting about Pippa Middleton's tight sexy butt that captured people's interest more than her sister's actual wedding, blah blah blah... 

So I'm trying to finish the pages of this extremely boring mag (since I paid for it, in the bundle, I feel I need to make sure I get some glance of each page before I bin it) and all I can think of and hear going through my head is Pippa's sexy tight ass, and being completely perplexed about why I'm somehow bothered, the fact that it is perplexing, the whole 'huh?' feeling, made me interested and curious, intrigued!  

Here I go rummaging through the psycho babble in me, questioning and trying to be super aware (as I am usually a bit too much, making me even more loopy than I already am), I see clearly the sexual innuendos we are subject to these days, in everything, everywhere, every who what where when why how...etc.  

Next few days were a blur of scissors, piles and piles of magazines, news papers, publications, slivers of paper scraps that ended up on the bottom of my feet to in my dogs fur, and who knows where else.  I amassed a box load of sexually charged/related/suggestive messages, words, images, phrases from the most unexpected of places, sorted them out so only the ones that really popped out at me would be worthy of being included in the art piece.  Once I got those together I placed each cut out, some teeny tiny, onto one of four non-stick palettes which I use for my acrylic painting (some glass, others HDPE).  Coated them with acrylic medium, waited for the layer to dry so I can put another two layers of medium to make a strong enough image transfered film.  Then when I got my image transfered I cut the images to the specs I wanted and placed them into the collage of suggestive sexual messages on my canvas.  

Oh did I tell you that I also had a stubborn bug as I was going through this process; the last cold I had was about 2 years before and all of a sudden I came down with this annoying bug.  So you can imagine me a complete mess and shit faced as I'm doing these transfers religiously throughout the day into the night 7 days a week and so on.  Uggh thank god that is done with.  

Here is the piece after thousands of transfers, and layers of medium, colors, and a few inclusions here and there, ta-daaaah~...  never mind, already onto the next few pieces I've got visions for in mind(*^_^*)!

for info click link below:

I hope that was somewhat entertaining.  Some of the crazy aspects of being an artist.  So do you ever find yourself aware of the veil of sexual innuendos evident in society today?  Or do you enjoy it?  What does this mean for the younger generations?  Is it a good thing or bad, or are you not really fussed?  Just something to think about:)

More posts coming up, please subscribe if you are interested in getting updates.  Thank you!



Saturday, August 27, 2011

PASSWORD; Exhibit in Italy

Two of my pieces will be featured in the exhibit mentioned above in Lecce Italy.  As per website description:

The exhibition aims to investigate the synergies and the associations between words and images. Art is a form of cartography, spatial representation that illustrates the relationships between the different componentsThrough the interpretation of some words that represent our society, the artists are invited to works site-specificto make a fantastic dictionary of the human condition of the twenty-first century.

These are the pieces which I created and the description for the pieces are as follows:


Ojizo-sama are Japanese divinities or symbols of guardian and protection, in particular 
children and travelers.  Although they are usually made of stone they seem to have a life 
and soul of their own.  Each one is totally unique and has different expressions, gestures, 
or postures.  People usually make hats, scarves, bibs, etc to keep them warm and show 
their respect, also leaving flowers, and food.  The ojizo’s spiritual protection can also be 
personal and encompass a number of aspects; such as watching over critically 
endangered species and the plight of the natural world which connects the art piece 

Spiritual Conservation
Acrylic paint, paper, ink, woven beads.

Endangered Planet
Acrylic paint, collage transfers, paper.

I shall keep you updated on my recent endeavors:)  Thank you for your time and have a wonderful day!!!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Canada Post Mental Health Awareness Stamp in Print

I got word recently that the winning stamp for the mental health awareness stamp competition will be out on September 6th.  Although I did not win the main stamp design, all of the the finalists designs will be printed on the outer booklet and annual Canada Post stamp magazine.  Also I have decided to donate the money won from being a finalist in the competition towards the Eating Disorders Clinic here in Toronto.  

For further detailed views:

Thank you again for those who supported and voted for my stamp design:

Friday, August 19, 2011


The summer has flown by so fast as it always seems to happen, but I hope you have had a wonderful summer.

In a few days there will be an exhibition held at Ouchi Gallery in NY called the Puzzle Project here is the description they have on their website:

Aug 23 Tue - Aug 28 Sun 2011
The concept of the project: FUSION
This project will involve many different artists independently creating artwork on
puzzle piece shaped canvases. All pieces will finally be connected and
assembled creating one large puzzle. The artists will not know what each other
are creating, and no one will know what the final creation will be until it is assembled.
The theme of the project:
The world is a place where things connect and interconnect; they affect each
other regardless of direct relations. This project will present a world showing how
these interconnections and relations represent the order and disorder of
existence. While politicians and big business may care little for the common
people, we strongly believe that art will be able to expand the importance and
feasibility of reconciliation; we don’t need further opposition and separation. 

The piece which will be shown:
Acrylic paint, collage transfers, paper, hemp

Other pieces which I have completed recently which can also be viewed on my website:

30 in x 24 in x 1.5 in
Acrylic paint, paper, glass tiles, collage transfers, clay (or shall I just say mixed media:)

I was also working on a few little pieces I thought would be going to Italy but unfortunately not anymore:
8 in x 6 in x 1.5 in
Acrylic paint, collage transfers

This one I am almost finished but I haven't signed or titled it yet, therefore the simple snap shot:)

I am working on a large piece which appears very sexual and obscene, but as with most of my pieces there is a deeper story and it mirrors current society issues.  What am image it was constantly transferring images onto acrylic medium then pasting them onto the piece; at one point I think I had a cold and had snot running down my nose as I transfered images of corset clad women, and words/phrases like 'hot stuff' 'turn me on' 'knickers' 'suck on this' and 'no time for swine'... all of which came out of the usual everyday magazines and papers... obviously I was not feeling any of the above while I was chicken noodle-ing, and kleenexed up!  

Thank god colds are temporary, uggh, I was quite surprised as the last cold I had was two years ago.  Anyways I hope to keep on posting a lot more often than I have been this summer, even if I don't have followers or fans.  

The catalogue and stamp booklet from the Canada Post Mental Health Awareness stamp competition has been printed and it has been uploaded to my website (in flash), but I will post it on my next blog, with whom I decided to donate the finalist award money.

Big Hugs,

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Meaning behind recent art piece.

I have recently completed a few art pieces which I would like to share with you.  If you would like further information and details, they are in the link as follows:

Also I've realized that my art pieces do not translate accurately enough just through flat photographs like on my website as they are replete with textures and different techniques, so I am going to try to post images of the pieces from different angles, etc on my blog.  Or I may just upload a video.  

Anyways to the exciting stuff...


Last November I took a trip to Japan for three weeks visiting many country side towns and loving the traditional Japanese cultural roots.  The leaves were changing colors and it was a treat for the senses.  I have always been drawn to the Ojizo-sama which are Japanese divinities or symbols of guardian and protection, in particular children and travelers; they can be found in the most remote places all around Japan.  Although they are usually made of stone they seem to have a life and soul of their own.  Each one is totally unique and have different expressions, gestures, or postures.  People usually make hats, scarves, bibs, etc to keep them warm and show their respect, also leaving flowers, and food.  

When I came back from the trip my sketch book was full of Ojizo drawings and I started the painting above.  At this time I was not aware of the traumatic and devastating events that were to take place.  After the earth quakes and tsunami happened for some reason the painting stopped progressing; maybe a part of me wasn't ready to let go of the little figures watching over me in my studio.  Maybe as I had such a wonderful experience in Ofunato (one of the ocean side towns I visited) where the scenery and people were friendly and beautiful, I could not come to terms with the fact that it was now completely engulfed in water, destroyed, and full of chaos and lost souls.  I am sure the reasons are many but eventually I came back to the piece and felt ready to proceed.  Now complete, I look at it and there is so much life and comfort translated throughout, I am very happy with how it turned out.  

Every one of my art pieces go through life experiences and progresses with me, at times it can look disheveled and a complete mess, but time mends and I keep moving forward; this one went through a heck of a transition, WOW, I mean at one point I had colored sugar crystals stuck in the acrylic medium (in Japan the confection is called 'konpeito') which I had to make sure didn't affect the longevity, and properties of the acrylics, WHICH IT DID as it started to weeeeep the colors they were dyed!  So I pried them out and had to sand the surface down, etc; very appropriate and in keeping with everyone's reaction and recovery process, never an easy road, at times unexpected and you feel like crap but one step at a time with hope and inner spirit we can heal and create or find a better solution and place (internal or external).  I believe spirituality protects; humanity, individual souls, and lives, rebuilds places, gives reason and purpose.  

So, I did not expect to write so much but sometimes the story behind the piece is the treasure:)  There are also flowers and Japanese maple leaves which I collected, pressed and kept from/throughout the trip within the piece.  The next two pieces are quite straight forward compared to the above.  Sculpted, dyed, handmade paper incorporated into acrylic medium, mosaic glass tiles (which make the SHIELDS OF BLUE piece super heavy), and many many layers of color that you can sort of make out when you see them up close.

Thank you so much for reading, you are in my thoughts and I hope you have a wonderful long weekend!!!     




Monday, June 13, 2011


I have taken a few images of the texture in my pieces and how I incorporate paper into my paintings.  They are photos I took casually so they are not the best quality but I think they capture a little more detail of the three dimensional surface.  

This is a piece I only recently started...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Progress, the next step, am proceeding.

I have not written in a long while and I am sorry for keeping you in the dark.  I was in L.A. for three weeks, and happened to go up to SF for two days; my best friend from 1st grade lives there as a wonderful singer/song writer.  What an experience; oxygenated ocean breeze everyday in Marina Del Rey, sunshine, warmth, the ocean, palm trees, great sleep, meeting the most amazing people, going to gallery openings, events, gaining knowledge, learning, and taking it all in.  I enjoyed every second of it.  

In Toronto I have been trying to keep the feelings and sensations I got in LA alive and strong; the weather not so much, neither sleep nor fresh ocean air, but my confidence and self esteem, the way I feel about meeting new people and going to events, and facing the unknowns, I am actually enjoying.  Surprising for someone who had such social anxiety at one point didn't leave the apartment unit for a month!!!  With making positive healthy choices and decisions, hard work, discipline, determination, hopes and dreams anything is possible; so never ever give up as I can say from experience it is all worth the hardships and stresses that naturally occur in life.  So what now?  I have been going to galleries and gallery openings, talking and meeting people, watching, listening, sensing, taking it all in for me to reflect upon it once at home in my own time.  

Fortunately the stamp design which I didn't win the competition for will still be a part of the design on the front of the stamp booklet.  I have not yet got word from Canada Post when those will be out.

June 16th from 12pm-4pm  CAMH Community Mall 1001 Queen St. West, Toronto, Ontario
I will be displaying my works at CAMH (center for addictions and mental health); Salon Des Refuses Art Show and Sale.  I will be there:)

June 16th from 5:30pm-7:30pm (yes the same day)  Sheena's Place 87 Spadina Rd. Toronto, Ontario.  My works will be on show; Sheena's Place Expressive Arts Show.  I will be attending the opening here too:)

I am also working on two commission pieces at the moment for a client in LA, as well as all the other pieces I am always working on:)  Recently I have been focusing on creating textures with Japanese Unryu paper on canvases, this creates a fabric like affect and it is being incorporated into the acrylic painted layers.  

42in x 42in 
I will post more images of examples of how I manipulate and incorporate paper into my work tomorrow as it is 1am right now, my sleepy meds are starting to kick in, and will probably start not making any sense in ten more minutes!  

Be excited about life and the opportunities it has to offer; if you allow it, the universe will work in your favor.  Be open to possibilities, I believe in you!!!  

Love Always,

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Few Thoughts After the Talks.

Speaking in front of high school students is no easy task, but I was amazed at how receptive they were when it came to sharing my own personal experiences with mental illness.  I appreciated every second of the talks, met wonderful individuals, and had lots of fun!  Did you ever think I would have 'fun' speaking in front of people!?  Another one of my fears challenged and conquered; actually a few that came along with speaking before high school students.  I am feeling satisfied, proud, and moved.  Those individuals that came up to speak to me afterwards; I commend their courage and bravery; to face and question their fears, gut instincts, and concerns.  The expression on all the unique individuals moved me.  Each person is so special.  Thank you for listening and hearing me out.  

So, a bunch of significant issues came up as well as questions that I thought would be good to address here as I feel they may help those in similar situations:

-If someone you knew were suffering from an eating disorder what would you suggest?  Let the individual know you are concerned and talk to them without mentioning weight or food.  Keep trying, persevere, and don't give up.

-What is the most important factor in treating eating disorders?  To treat the body and mind equally.  A good therapeutic/professional fit with trust and support.  For those around to be persistent.  Being aware of your self and gaining knowledge of past demons that may be affecting your state of being.  Seeking help and support wether it be speaking up or getting treatment so you can start the process towards recovery.

-What were the contributing factors of my experience with eating disorders?  Losses, too many unresolved transitions in life, genetics, environment, abuse, discrimination, perfectionism, inability to express my emotions and no opportunity to speak for myself.  It is a multi-faceted issue and there are many that contribute to eating disorders and other mental illnesses.

-What were some long term physical effects from your eating disorders?  Digestive problems, bad skin, constantly chipping nails on my middle and index fingers, hormonal imbalances, altered brain chemistry and heart palpitations... shorter life expectancy... and I have to face these sort of consequences everyday for the rest of my life (although I have been eating disorder free for over five years the after effects still do exist and I deal with them as they arise). 
(I used to keep the empty boxes laxatives came in; me after first treatment, I asked my mom to take a photo before I threw them away.  This was probably only a month worth of laxatives or so... a lot of damage, on top of restricting, binge/purge, other eating disordered behavior.)

-How did I make a conscious decision to turn things around?  I had to commit myself to inpatient treatment, and to connect and trust the professional staff.  Learn to trust and make the program work for me.  It is not a one shot deal and it takes many trials as well as timing.  One size does not fit all when it comes to eating disorder or any mental illness recovery process.  I needed to make myself open to improvement and help.

-Who has been affected by your eating disorder?  Everyone, especially those close to you that care most.

-How did becoming an artist and being creatively expressive help?  I could express myself freely in a healthy non-destructive manner.  Being an artist allows me the time and space to be in tune with my body, mind and soul.  I am able to feel safe expressing stresses and hardships of life through my work, as well as opinions and give myself a clearer voice.  I live being and doing something I love and believe in, sharing my story with others.  Working with my hands also keeps me focused, calms and soothes my constant 110% sprinting brain and nerves. 

-When did you become aware you needed help?  Were you afraid to tell someone?  Deep down inside, in my gut, I knew I needed help as things worsened but until I was literally dying did I make a conscious choice to get well.  The eating disorder made my body physically compromised, but with the depression and anxiety it took over 7 suicide attempts and then some for me to really start turning things around.  And at the time I didn't/couldn't trust anyone except for my boyfriend who was in tune with what I was going through.  Everything looked good on the outside but in reality I was completely shattered and broken.

(On the left is how I presented myself to the world, and how others perceived me, on the right is how I was really feeling; worthless, nothing.)

-What kind of treatment did you receive for your mental illnesses?  I searched for help at the teen clinic at a hospital, pediatricians, psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists, guidance counselor, specialists, out patient programs, inpatient programs, emergency room(s) stays, psychiatric ward, psychiatric emergency rooms, ICU, nurses, support groups, etc; some worked, but many others did not.  Most importantly gaining knowledge of myself and the illnesses, their treatments, programs, many options in programs, journalling, reading, and being acutely aware and in tune with myself and my conditions were helpful.  Being open to possibilities, and being determined to get better.  Also for me meeting my therapist, who I trusted and saved my life many times over.

-How does medication fit into your experience with mental illness?  I began trying different meds when I first reached out for help, and the whole process was trial and error for a long time until finally the professionals and I were able to find a balance and mixture of meds that worked specifically for me.  Some of the side effects were severe but it really was about  sticking to the process and trial and error.  Once we found the meds that worked I had to be put on a very very high dose in the beginning for my body to respond; but everyone's body is different and react accordingly to medications.  I also have to add and can't stress enough that medications are only one piece in the complicated network of the puzzle that needs mending.

This is a lengthy blog post, but mental illness is complicated and recovery takes time.

Important reminders:
* Recovery is a personal and spiritual journey.
* Be the expert of your own body, mind and heart.
* Anything is possible and perseverance is key.
* You are not alone.
* Find what works for you; treatment is individual and personal, so take control of your recovery and do not be silenced.
* Face life and treat yourself with compassion and honesty.

I am not an expert or professional in this field although I am an expert of my own story, life experiences, and mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual self.  If you or someone else is struggling please approach them in a gentle manner and talk to them; they may not look or act like it, but they will hear your words.  Please do reach out for support and help to those you feel you can trust, and responsible legitimate resources.  If you are feeling like you are triggered in any way, have an urge, feel you are a danger to yourself or anyone else please do not hesitate to go to the nearest emergency room, call 911, or speak to someone.  
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 (free 24 hours a day 365 days a year)
Gerstein Center Crisis Services: (416) 929-5200 (Toronto), (416) 289-2434 (Scarborough, Etobicoke, North York, East York), (905) 278-9036 (Peel), 310-COPE (York Region)

There is no need to feel like this and keep suffering:

I have never shared these images with anyone as these are some of the things I did at the start of getting treatment (way before becoming a visual artist), but I believe they provide a different option and perspective.  

Big Hugs,