Saturday, March 19, 2011

Facing my fear of speaking in front of people...

I will be getting the results of the mental health awareness Canada Post stamp competition next week, but in lieu of my involvement has opened a new opportunity.  

I will be a speaker on a discussion panel for Workman Arts (who work closely with CAMH-center for addiction and mental health), and their Rendezvous with Madness Film Festival youth program Rendezvous in the Classroom.  Youth oriented films from the festival line up have been chosen and will be show cased in schools all across Toronto.  This will end up reaching over 4000 students and create more awareness, support and help. 

I will be the speaker representing an individual who has lived and experienced mental illness; especially as one of the films presented will be about eating disorders, another about anxiety, stigma, etc.  I have watched the films and they are striking and quite effective in stirring thought, emotion, and discussion.  The films are an art form in themselves and intriguing from a visual artist perspective, also being a former dancer the performances and settings are fascinating and full of qualities that excite me.  

Although I make videos occasionally and seem well spoken, I am terrified and have a huge fear of speaking.  Since I was little 'voice' was not the chosen or accepted form of expression and therefore naturally resorted towards being quiet, introspective, creating ways to entertain myself, communicating through wildlife, and being at times a complete and a bit 'off' tomboy.  I liked playing with the other boys in the class, and had trouble with the girls as they didn't want to jump off the top of the jungle gyms or catch bugs.  Not being able to express myself through words I often didn't know how to deal with the overwhelming emotions and just cried A LOT.  Even starting to dance I remember being the one who cried the most in class.  And this anxiety has never really left me and deal/cope with it to this day.  Yup, but through out the years and experiences I've compiled an ample arsenal of tools to express myself as I see fit to my satisfaction (although there are times when words/images/colors/descriptions are not enough).  

So how am I to face the gym/classroom/lecture hall full of high school students!?  Preparation.  This is a challenge and I love challenges; I often set them up for myself to make progress, improve, fulfill my curiosity, be stimulated and better myself as an individual.  I have a huge distaste for the class room/school system but can not get enough knowledge or learning; curious, fascinated, enthusiastic, enthralled, surprised, amazed, I am exuberant!  So here I go again, facing my fears and I believe I will overcome any road blocks that arise.  It is fun, sort of, in a  strange way.  (This is the sort of attitude that got me into trouble with bees, jellyfish, coral, and a whole slew of stories I will tell you of another time).  

Anyways I wanted to share that with you and if you are curious (*smile*) go check out, and  and   

Have a wonderful day and lets face our fears shall we!?



Liquid Mirror, books, some products, etc.

Friday, March 11, 2011


Hearing of the news in Japan; I have family, friends, and close ones who are there, some I do not know if they are safe or not.  I am sending out as much positive thoughts and wishes possible, praying, and hoping everyone is safe and healthy; having been able to get to evacuation areas.  I hear those in Tokyo are okay although having trouble getting back home and hectic, but those in the coastal areas my heart goes out to you.  

I was not expecting this at all; the epicenter was in Sendai where I just visited the last time I was in Japan a few months back, I do have close friends in the area and I have yet to hear from them, friends in the coast of Ofunato I have heard are in trouble and seeking emergency rescue as they are stranded on top of a roof surrounded by water and fire everywhere else the eye can see.  

With the mental health awareness cause I have been supporting lately; it only places more importance on the significance of mental health.  Times like this, trauma, shock, loss, and other experiences are rampant; support, help, compassion and heart is extremely important.  No matter the circumstance unexpected events occur and everyone needs support and help.  Hope in the face of hardship.  My thoughts and heart are with those in need.  

Love Always,

(please vote five stars)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Art updates

Just incorporating some things into my pieces.  I have realized that when people see my pieces in life they are very surprised at the depth and details that are within each piece; which can not be completely identified through photographs on my website.  Ya gotta see it to believe it.  

The stamp competition ends March 14th and am pleased with the support I have gotten from so many people; I am truly grateful.  

On that note, Canada Post (if they ever see this), for the next competition process I hope they get rid of this facebook/twitter/public voting nonsense as it detracts from the actual work, the important cause, and totally contradicts the whole essence of 'mental health awareness' and giving others a chance.  This is a numbers game, a popularity contest, another big corporate system.  I HATE BULL SHIT; says right in my artist bio!!!  This is why!  These kinds of things piss me off.  Where is the morale, ethics, the humanity in any of this.  In any case I have learnt my lesson once again, but I will keep on supporting and upholding my promise to mental illness and mental health awareness as that is deep within my heart.  And my work will always have mental health influences throughout its layers and movement.  

I am being true to myself and BEING me.  I follow my heart and live life of passion and exuberance.  Nothing will stop me.  Never stop learning or persevering.  Anything is possible.  One step at a time.  I believe in me, I believe in you, now do you believe in yourself?  

Tuesday, March 1, 2011