Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Adversity? Being on the Edge.

I am writing this post on my new MacBookPro 13 inch, yes, finally!  I've set up everything so that all of my devices are connected through wi-fi, and now all I need to do is weed out the necessities that have been transferred from my old laptop.  I still dislike the keys as they feel cheap-y compared to my old one but there will always be pros and cons.

Today I wanted to discuss the ways in which we deal with adversity.  How do you deal with those aspects in your life?

I sometimes draw on walls... and this wasn't even my place... but my friend's place in SF!

I've never felt so strongly about the benefits of past career experiences than I had this week; particularly having grown up in the classical ballet world since I was 4.  I knew my ballet experience would some how weave back into my life but I was thinking more from a 'passion for dance' or 'collaboration with dance' with future endeavours, not necessarily the masochistic extremes, or discipline, determination, drive, passion of the practice and lifestyle of that world.  Although these aspects do play vital roles in everyday life and who I am, I realise how truly inhuman some of these qualities can be.  Not many individuals can experience the total concentration it takes to get through a Swan Lake performance on a fractured foot (which I suffered from a varsity track meet going over hurdles), or other major injuries/illnesses, leading a life of sacrifice in relation to the wages, and the will and heart it takes to rehearse day in and day out for those fleeting seconds or minutes of a variation on stage.  A chosen life of absolution, not unlike the immersive decision to become a nun in a convent (I suppose).

Nope, sorry, can't imagine myself as a nun... 

Backstage, in the wings, as Odette (the main role) in Swan Lake, with fracture in foot, as well as being ill due to disordered eating.

Adversity: be honest with yourself, and allow thoughts and emotions to express themselves.  Face each moment one step at a time.  Persevere, survive, push through the pain and fight.  Sometimes the most beautiful moments come from places of darkness.  You gain further perspective and clarity with yourself and the world in which you exist as you journey scary unknowns.  Acknowledge and appreciate such strong emotions and sensations, know in your gut and believe it gets better.  Never give up.  Be an expert of your own self; no one knows you as well as yourself, so be aware, discover, learn, and evolve.  

For example; piss me off, and I will push harder, be leaner, meaner, and surpass expectation.  It forces focused concentration, and that moves you. 

To be on the edge is risky, and requires full attention and close monitoring, as you don't actually want to fall off the edge (I've fallen off into the abyss a few times and the way back up is treacherous and such a slippery slope), but that edge makes everything that much more stimulating and heightened.  I'm not saying its good or bad, it just is for me.  Some people go skydiving for that edge, for me it isn't so much as the behaviour but inner state.

Where did this all come from?  I dunno, being in Japan where you feel coaxed to conform, and for me, to be 'Japanese' isn't sitting pretty within; but they say you 'look' Japanese... do I look like I give a fuck about appearance!?  Yeah, I take care of myself, but that's just the surface of genetic selection; who are you within?!  Your identity?!  What is it that makes you, you, and moves your insides!?  Who are you really?  Face that(!), honestly, and tell me how that makes you feel, think, and form opinions.  It is that in which I am interested!

At times I feel I need to break free, and totally let loose; hmmm... lose myself in music and dance the night away... (am not all sugar, sweet, and all things nice;)

Am exhausted, I am going to go take a bath and hit the sheets.    

Good night,

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Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Quick New Years Hello/Goodnight: 2013-2014

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years Eve, and I truly wish everyone the best in 2014.  Thank you so much and many more adventures to come:)

Kindest Regards,