Friday, April 16, 2010

(I'll) Miss You

Have you traveled, moved, or had an experience of leaving, being left, or loss related to transitions and changes in life?

Ever since I was 1 years old I have experienced travel.  Some may think it a novelty, an opportunity, a way of life, something out of the ordinary.  I am not sure as of now as transportation is readily accessible, but only twenty or so odd years ago it was still not something people did as a lifestyle or on a regular basis.  

Within the psychology of a small youngster any change in routine is ground shaking, any close person leaving is traumatic, arriving in new places totally shocking.  The little person sees their world from their own independent lens, everything happens in 'first person' perspective.  So for example although someone may be transfered to a different location due to a job, the little person sees her or himself as being left; then it goes onto 'what did I do to make them leave and I must have done something bad' and so forth.  

Adults in this situation see it as it really is as a job transfer or any reality in life, but developmentally the little person does not have the cognitive ability to comprehend all of the advanced sophisticated information yet.  Again, remember their world is all them re: me, I, singular personal perspective.

So experiencing all of this movement in my early life automatically, (sort of like an out of the factory base model software), conditioned my brain, senses, body and all to react, habituate, respond, survive and adapt primitively therefore making it extremely difficult for me to change the ways I would like to deal and cope with travel and anything relating to moving now as an adult.  

I really dislike the deeply ingrained and hardwired-from-young-developmental-age conditioning as they have proved to me the most troublesome and frustrating to encourage further evolution in being.  They usually unexpectedly appear (emotionally physically psychologically spiritually, etc) in the most untimely manner and place.  Then I am usually found analyzing, figuring out, trying to resolve, discover, or totally standing there mouth wide open wondering who, what, where, why, how, when I am feeling the way I am feeling thinking or reacting.  It really hits me and surprises me.  I do not like surprises which scare me or jolt my core being.  I naturally get frustrated and angry for this total unwanted stress or commotion (unwrapping searching the remnants going through an all out inner self soul search) usually happening during some momentous occasion; funeral, celebration, weddings, reunions, etc. or while in the line at the security check point at the air port, taking a shower in the hotel room, trying to be there for some else's unfortunate circumstance, and the works.  

So this picture represents a whole shit load of stuff as I analyze it, but I am fascinated about other people's life experiences and what affect comes about when seeing this picture.    

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