Friday, April 9, 2010


It is snowing in Toronto... that just says it all.  My body felt so lost today completely confused!  I did a video but since my computer needs de-fragging and the memory too full I can not download any editing software.  So no video.  Although I have to say editing can make reality into surreality and something completely different, so in a way I do not like it when people edit things too much like TV these days, it gets boring and predictable, this is why I do not watch much TV anymore.  Things start to all look like mushy peas; the same ol' thang.  I guess editing is a trait of human nature as one believes they need to do it for their audience as well as edit content they don't like of themselves, etc, but what if you hate watching yourself and therefore editing yourself?  I dislike watching or listening to myself.  I have always found other facets of expression more helpful and honest.  I don't think I have ever been able to voice exactly what was going through my head or how I was feeling, or explaining things in general, words fail me when I speak, I feel there is not enough vocabulary to express everything that goes through my mind.  This is why I find speaking in Jap-lish; English and Japanese jumbled up all together, I can express myself a bit better.  No matter what my gestures and facial expression and body always keep way ahead of me.  
So why do the video thing if I hate taking myself or hearing myself?  It is another challenge for me to face and overcome, a risk to take, curiosity and a gesture to share experiences and life with others.  I'm constantly learning and taking in information from the world being aware, living the moments so wouldn't other be the same?  This is not always the case; majority I have found are unaware and in their own head space thinking of themselves and just kind of going through the motions of life, I guess...  "Ignorance is bliss"?  Not for me, I definitely do not think so.  I'd rather get as much out of my life as possible, but I can only speak for myself.  Tis all relative and perspectives vary.  I am rambling and getting bored looking at the letters I am typing myself so I shall go brew myself some sleepy tea.  

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